malaysian malaise, or the sad lament of seb and mark

Yes, they feign excitement, those talking heads, but the new Grand Prix season is off to a rocky start. In Australia, hampered by rain, caution was the word, with everyone learning the new tyres (and that the super-softs, annoyingly, seem to last a few laps, tops). Kimi Raikonnen took the top spot in that one, presumably with the Lotus crew sitting quietly and not bothering him with information or instructions.

Malaysia was more educational, and a sobering douse of politics it was. In the end, the race came down to two teams: Red Bull and the Mercedes, those four cars pulling so comfortably in front of the bulk of the wolf-pack that they were instructed by their various team leaders to slow down, relax into it at any easy pace, and proceed to the podium. Alas, if only it were so simple. If each team had two drivers of equal importance, it would be, but they don't, and therein lies the rub.

The Red Bull plan seems to have been that Vettel (the Primary Driver) and Webber (the Secondary) would trade first and second place with each pit-stop, and whichever landed in front would cruise to the finish. It doesn't matter to Christian Horner or to Red Bull as an entity which guy lands highest on the podium, as long as they're wearing the red and blue. But you don't get to be the youngest-ever three-time world champion without harboring both ambition and a limitless appetite for speed and glory, and so in the final laps we were treated to Vettel in his petulant-little-girl persona complaining that Mark was too slow, that he should let him past. His request denied, he disobeyed orders and we we all got to witness an admittedly exciting struggle, hard fought, which might have gone either way (or, alternately, ended in bent metal and retirement). We all heard Christian Horner's completely fruitless transmission (in his dad's-had-it-up-to-here voice), "Come on, Seb. This is silly." And we saw the Australian's fury as he sat next to his treacherous team-mate on the podium.

Vettel has apologised, but with some insincerity, claiming ignorance as to team orders, but that is the way of Vettel. Off-track he seems a very likable fellow, a fan of the Beatles, with a mischievous sense of humor; on-track, he will do anything to win a race. In his defense, rarely does he cause a crash, but it might be argued that if Mark Webber were a lesser driver, he might have done on this occasion. The rivalry between the two has always boiled beneath a professional demeanor, coming to a rage in Turkey in 2010 in a similar situation when Vettel actually did instigate mutual wreckageand retirement while trying to pass his team-mate. That same year during a practice at Silverstone, Vettel damaged his front wing and was given Webber's. When Webber won the race, he said, "Not bad for the number two driver." Later in that season, Webber told reporters that his good form was "an inconvenience" to Red Bull. Now, Webber says he will go back to Australia, do some surfing, and ponder his future. No doubt he will finish out the season, but he will not be back next year, unless he's wearing different colors.

Ferrari has long been a player in this sandbox: many times, even back when "team orders" were still against the rules, Felipe Massa was told to slow down in support of star driver Fernando Alonso. Possibly they caught a little flak for that (only a very little, though, because they are, after all, Ferrari), and maybe that's why they started trading radio transmissions in Italian instead of English (also, incidentally, against the rules). Last season, of course, the ban on team orders was overturned and it's considered entirely ethical to sacrifice the ride of one of your men for the more favoured other.

Which brings us to the second, and, I think, more poignant drama of the day: the race for third and fourth place between Mercedes team-mates Lewis Hamilton and Nico Rosberg. Hamilton, head-hunted from McLaren, a huge star, an expensive one, is wearing the silver for his first season; Rosberg has been a faithful number two for some years. Like Vettel, Rosberg was complaining that he could go faster if he could have permission to pass Hamilton. Team principal Ross Brawn replied that Lewis was slowing down by his order, to conserve fuel, and that Rosberg should not pass. Unlike Vettel, Rosberg followed the rules, although it meant he missed out on a valuable podium, one which was almost certainly within his grasp. At race end, we heard him say to Brawn, "Remember this."

With astonishing grace, Hamilton came out with a sincere apology, saying he knew Rosberg deserved third place. "He drove a smarter and more controlled race than me," he said. There is a melancholy to that particular battle, because a sense of honor was maintained by both drivers, and so everyone comes out with both respect and regret in the end. (The other thing Lewis did was to drive accidentally into the McLaren pit, which added some time to his race, but was sort of endearing.)

There's been little news of "first-lap nutcase" Romain Grosjean so far this year, which bodes well, since hopefully it means he's learning to drive with a modicum of caution. Alonso ran into Vettel at the outset and damaged his nose, which led to a spectacular moment later when it dropped off and he drove over it in a storm of sparks. The McLarens are still struggling: Sergio Perez has not yet found his form, and although Jenson Button looked to have had a good race, a bungle in the pit cost him his left front tyre then saw him rejoin the race in fourteenth place before eventually retiring early.