Wednesday, February 13, 2013

an introduction to some formula one drivers by turning them into verbs



Say you live in a tourist town, like I do.  You’re stuck on a crowded sidewalk filled with vacationers who amble, looking in windows, enjoying the sun, infuriatingly unaware that people, like you, actually live in this town and need to go places and do things.
You have options.
You might MALDONADO your way to the front, a messy fracas involving elbows akimbo and ruthless footwork.  (KOBAYASHI-ing results in similar injury to the malingering tourists, but without the malicious intent:   rather, you zero in on your target,-- say, the next corner,-- with such furious intent that your peripheral vision is nullified and you cast yourself forward with  such reckless speed that collateral damage might easily include friends and pit crew alongside your enemies.)
BUTTONing is subtler process, in which you ease up behind two tourists, wait until the one behind goes to pass the one forward, taking advantage of the awkward moment to zip beyond both.
If you decide to VETTEL, you will sidestep the problem entirely by walking off the track into the street and circling around the crowd.
GROSJEANing is the boldest choice, requiring great exertion and hours of practice.  To GROSJEAN, you send yourself hurtling into the air over the heads of the tourists, an awesome spectacle which often involves everyone in the vicinity crashing into walls.  It is not recommended if you are on your way to work or to do anything that cannot wait while you recuperate in hospital.

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