As my brother puts it, "The bad news is that the Brazilian public transportation workers have gone on strike, so there's no way for fans to get to the stadia. The good news is that there are no stadia to reach."
The Great French Hope is sidelined: Franck Ribery is out of the squad with injury.
Jose Pekerman's Colombia squad, too, loses its greatest shining hope to bad timing and ill luck aimed at Falcao's knee.
Meanwhile, Cristiano Ronaldo has been cursed by a Ghanian witch-doctor. We should have some of those in America.
And, while the Yanks will have access to the supermodels in the hot-tub, the Mexican side will be channelling that sexual energy into the game.
Finally, in longer-term news, Sepp Blatter dreams of interplanetary tournaments, but anyone who's read the John Carter of Mars books knows that the ball will behave differently there.
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